Why do I feel Anxious?
Anxiety is an all-too-familiar feeling to many people.
Sometimes it pops up in situations where we can expect it, such as having to give a presentation at work or hosting a family event. Sometimes though it comes up more subtly in the background, and lingers in the background as this mild worry for hours or days.
Anxiety is one of many emotions we as humans experience. Emotions are instinctive experiences in our mind and body. Sometimes they feel “good”, like when we feel happy, excited, or love. Sometimes they feel “unpleasant” like when we feel anxious, sad, or guilty. Emotions themselves are not “good” or “bad” though, some just feel different ways in our mind and/or our body. In fact, labeling an emotion as “bad” can influence our brain to want to “get rid” of it. Suppress it. Block it. Ignore it. I’m sure this won’t come as a shock to you, but that doesn’t work.
When we ignore emotions, it sometimes can feel okay in the short-term because we get a momentary relief from the discomfort of that feeling. However, ignoring it often makes the emotion worse in the long-term. The emotion can build up and feel bigger or heavier than it did initially, or the problem that caused the emotion could actually be worse now because by ignoring the emotion, we may have also ignored the steps needed to resolve the problem earlier on. For example, when we ignore stress about paying a large bill, we may avoid making the payment and now the bill has increased with late-fees.
So if we’re not going to ignore anxiety (because we know that doesn’t work), than we have to know how to cope with it so we can turn down the intensity when we need to. Before we can do that though, it helps if we can better understand what anxiety is.
What is Anxiety?
Anxiety is a cluster of emotions that also include: fear, apprehension, overwhelmed, nervous, worried, fright, panic, uneasiness, edginess, dread, shock, or terror. Generally speaking, these emotions arise when something happens that threatens our life, health, or well-being.
How does anxiety show up?
Anxiety shows up in many different ways for different people. Here are some ways it can show up:
Click the + on the right to expand each section!
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• Anxious thoughts that sometimes feel like you can’t control or stop (lots of “what if” questions, jumping to worst-case-scenario, making assumptions about what people think or what will happen)
• Feeling distracted
• Having a hard time completing work or other tasks
• Having a hard time making decisions (hello choice paralysis!)
• Feeling like thoughts are running a mile-a-minute
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• GI distress (butterflies in your tummy, nausea, having to go to the bathroom)
• Minimal appetite or stress eating
• Muscles in your body tensing (shoulders creeping up towards your ears, muscles in your neck or back tightening, clenching your jaw)
• Changes in body temp and/or sweating
• Difficulty falling asleep or getting restless sleep
• Changes in blood pressure/heart rate
• Lump in your throat
• Goosebumps or hair standing up on your body
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• Crying
• Fidgeting more than usual
• Endlessly researching things on your phone
• Making lists of lists of lists
• Avoiding things related to what your feeling anxious about
• Talking about your anxiety past the point it’s helpful (more on that later)
• Screaming (or the urge to)
• Running away (or the urge to)
• People-pleasing
Different types of anxiety might show up in different ways. For example, panic anxiety tends to be a higher energy type of anxiety with symptoms that may include increased heart rate, faster breathing, muscle tension, and crying. On the flip side, dread is another type of anxiety but tends to be lower energy with symptoms that may include avoidance, procrastination, isolating from people, indecision, and slower body movements (almost like you’re trying to move through molasses).
What are some ways anxiety shows up for you on the high-energy side?
What are different ways it shows up for you on the low-energy side?
How does anxiety help me?
We talked about how anxiety often shows up when our mind or body perceives a threat to our life, health, or well-being. This happens because the function of anxiety, or its purpose for existing is to keep you safe and escape danger. If you never felt any sort of anxiety ever and you saw a bear-cub in the woods, you might find yourself wanting to go up and play with it. However, because anxiety exists to keep you safe, anxiety puts the thought in your brain “oh, mama bear must be nearby!” and motivates your body to back away and seek safety.
If we think about anxiety like a fire alarm in an office building, it sounds the alarm to notify everyone to leave when it detects smoke. For some people, their smoke detectors work as-expected and only sound the alarm when there is an actual danger. For others, their smoke detectors are more sensitive and may sound the alarm, evacuate the whole building, and call the fire department only for there to be slightly burnt popcorn in the microwave or a coworker with too much perfume.
Is the answer to unplug and throw out the whole alarm system though?
NO!! Of course not! Through therapy, we can learn to regulate our anxiety so that we can fine-tune our internal alarm system.
When you’re feeling anxious, it can be helpful to ask “How is my anxiety trying to help me here? What is it trying to do for me to keep me safe or protected?”
How do I feel less anxious?
This is the question that so many people ask! Even when we understand what is causing our anxiety, how it’s showing up for us in the moment, and how anxiety is trying to “help” us, we still might want to turn the volume down on it. Sometimes we want to feel less anxious because we recognize the intensity of our anxiety is more than what’s actually needed in the situation, or sometimes we’re in the middle of something important and it just “isn’t the time or place” for this anxiety to be helpful right now.
There are many ways to reduce the intensity of anxiety. The list below includes a variety of strategies but is not an all-inclusive list. A therapist can help you discover what strategies work best for your anxiety specifically!
Breathing exercises
Distractions (doing a puzzle, watching a funny video, reading, etc)
Moving your body (going for a walk, stretching, yoga, cardio activity, etc)
Talking to a support person (but be careful of talking in circles about the problem and intensifying the feeling more!)
Self-soothing (putting on a warm sweater, snuggling your pet, drinking non-caffeinated tea)
Meditation or imagery based exercises
Challenging and reframing unhelpful anxious thoughts
Emotional Freedom Technique (tapping)
Learning new strategies, skills, techniques with a therapist
INTERESTED IN SCHEDULING A CONSULT WITH MINDFULLY BALANCED THERAPY?
Great! You can click here to schedule one in the next 2 weeks, or contact Kimberleigh by email at khagar@mindfullybalancedtherapy.com.
