When overthinking leads to avoiding

If you’re an overthinker, you know this cycle all too well. 

A situation comes up that needs your attention, and the overthinking spirals take you down multiple paths of what-if’s. You’re not confident in how to handle it, so you procrastinate with other productive things so you don’t feel like time was wasted. You check off boxes on your work and home to-do lists, reach out to the friend you’ve been meaning to call for months now, and even started to re-organize the hall closet. You think back on the situation here and there, and maybe fall into moments of choice paralysis or decision fatigue, but all of a sudden days and maybe even weeks have gone on and no actual progress has been made. So you keep waiting. Hoping that one day the answer will come, and so will your confidence in putting the plan into action.

Oftentimes though, putting it off leads to the anxiety and anticipation growing more. If there’s a deadline involved, the added pressure of having less time also adds more fuel to the fire.

It becomes this cycle. Anxiety (overthinking) led to avoidance, which led to more anxiety, which led to more avoidance, which led to more anxiety, which led to more avoidance, and so on. This can go on and on.

So…..

How do you break the cycle of overthinking and avoiding?

It’s important sometimes to pause and allow time to think through the options. We don’t want to overcorrect and just start making decisions willy-nilly. That probably wouldn’t be consistent with your personality type anyway! The key part here is to be mindful and intentional about the pauses you take to think about the situation and your options.

• Set a timer: limit the amount of time you spend thinking about the situation and use a timer to tell you when the time is up. If you haven’t come to a conclusion in that time, schedule another set block of time to think about it again in a day or so, and use the timer again to keep the time contained.

• Set a deadline: pick a date or time a decision needs to be made by, and schedule out time as-needed between now and then to consider the options and check-in on if any changes have come up.

• Recognize when the thoughts are focused on finding a solution vs dwelling on the potential problems: if the thoughts are dwelling on potential problems, redirect your energy to something else for awhile until you can intentionally come back to the situation and purposefully think about solutions.

How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time!

The best way to start to take action on something is to break it down into tangible little steps, and focus on just taking the next one. Break it down as small as you need to, and if one still feels like too much, break it down more.

For example, if the situation is that you need figure out summer camp options for your kiddo. Small steps might be: research camp options, reach out with any questions (dates/times, location, cost, etc), narrow down and choose the preferred camp, and complete the sign-up. If the first step to research camp options feels overwhelming to even start, break it down smaller: Google local camps, check mom’s groups on social media for recommendations, ask kid’s friend’s parents where they send their kids. Then you can break that down smaller by picking one of those methods, and using it until you find 3 options that day, repeating everyday until you’ve got a fuller list of options. Then move onto the next method, finding 3 options each day, etc.

Take the list of steps you made in #2, and stick it in your planner or notebook. Somewhere you know where it is and can easily reference it, but not right in your line of sight. On a post-it, make a note of just the 1 step you’re working on, and keep that visible to help you focus on just that one step. It helps by not having your eyes drift off to the full list and get overwhelmed all over again. 

Lean into your community for support in different ways. Close friends can offer accountability with those time limits or deadlines you set in #1. Trusted friends and colleagues can help with brainstorming or helping to weigh out the pros and cons of different options. Either way, use the support that is available to you in your network. One thing to be careful of is crowd sourcing the decisions. Make sure that at the end of the day, the decision you make is the one you decide is best!

Is your overthinking keeping you stuck in avoidance of something? 

If you’ve found yourself in a pattern of procrastinating because you can’t stop overthinking, Kimberleigh can help. Online therapy for overthinkers with Mindfully Balanced Therapy can help you break free from the unhelpful overthinking patterns and shift into a more productive headspace. Regular therapy appointments can also help provide some accountability alongside the therapy work to support you in following through on reducing avoidance.

If this sounds like something that would be helpful for you, contact Kimberleigh today to set up a free consult call and get started on making your goals a reality!