Why you might be afraid to let go of anxiety

When you recognize that you’ve been feeling anxious, you probably have several thoughts that go through your mind:

• Wait, doesn’t everyone think this way?

• I didn’t know it was possible to not feel this way.

• Maybe I need therapy or help to fix this.

And you might sit there for some time, maybe even starting to find some therapists online and even scheduling some consult calls to check them out. But then it hits you. The other side of the thoughts. The overthinking brain kicks into full gear.

• If my anxiety is gone, what does that even look like?

• What if I’m not able to be as prepared and on top of things?

• What if things slip through the cracks?

• What if I fail my family/friends/work because I wasn’t thinking ahead enough?

Those worry thoughts fan the flame of anxiety in your mind and body, which then becomes an endless cycle going back to the first thought, “wait, doesn’t everyone think this way?”

If the thought of not feeling anxious anymore is leading you to feel anxious, it could be because:

• You see anxiety as a strength that helps you be alert and prepared 

• You don’t want to lose control of situations or feel out of control

• Anxiety has been a reliable warning sign for you in the past and kept you safe

• Feeling on edge feels so normal for you that it almost feels “fine”

Because not feeling anxious would be new and unfamiliar, it may feel a little scary even if it sounds good on paper.

The goal of therapy for anxiety isn’t to help you not feel anxiety ever. The goal is to help you fine-tune your mind and body so that anxiety can alert you when there is a true danger, and not you as many “false alarms.” The goal is for you to be aware when something is going on that needs anxiety so you can choose to respond effectively to it, rather than it pulling you out of moments left and right and just reacting in the heat of the moment.

So let’s try looking at these reasons from another angle 

You see anxiety as a strength that helps you be alert and prepared 

The anxiety you feel can still be a strength when it’s needed and help you accomplish what you need to in those moments to be ready. When anxiety isn’t needed, it no longer has to be something that distracts you from experiences you want to be in. 

You don’t want to lose control of situations or feel out of control

When you have moments of feeling like things are out of control, take a moment to focus in on what is. You control what you say, the decisions or choices you make, and the actions you take. If your emotions are high and even those things feel out of your control because it feels like your emotions are deciding for you, bring it back to the most basic of all: your breath. Focus on your breath, noticing it come in and out of your body, and notice how you have the control to slow it down by counting it out.

Anxiety has been a reliable warning sign for you in the past

Since the answer is to not get rid of anxiety completely (it’s a normal human emotion), it can still be a reliable warning sign when it’s necessary. It doesn’t have to be an “all on or all off” thing. Just like any other emotion (happiness, sadness, anger, etc), you can feel it for a period of time, and then feel something different. 

Feeling on edge feels so normal for you

Everything that is normal for you was new at some point. The more you do or feel it, the more normal it gets. I’ll be that your favorite pair of shoes now took a moment to get used to when you first got them. While feeling on edge feels normal for now, you can choose a “new normal” that actually feels even better for you and allows you to live the life you want.

Are you feeling worried about what life would look like without anxiety? 

If you’ve found yourself anxious about not feeling anxious, Kimberleigh can help. Online therapy for overthinkers with Mindfully Balanced Therapy can help you recognize when your anxiety is helping you so you can honor it, versus doing more harm than good in your life. In therapy for anxiety, you’ll learn tools to check-in on the anxious thoughts so you can stay in the driver’s seat of your brain, rather than anxiety stealing the reins.

If this sounds like something that would be helpful for you, contact Kimberleigh today to set up a free consult call and get started on making your goals a reality!